Grand Haven Township Family Deaths Ruled Murder-Suicide
GRAND HAVEN TOWNSHIP, Mich. — The Ottawa County Sheriff’s Office has ruled the deaths of a family of eight found in their Grand Haven Township home last week a murder-suicide.
The Victims
The family has been identified as:
• Kristopher “Kris” Karolkiewicz, 47 — pronounced KRIS-toh-fer ka-rol-KEV-itch (last name rhymes with “Carol-vitch”)
• Amanda “Mandy” Karolkiewicz, 39 — pronounced uh-MAN-duh ka-rol-KEV-itch
• Their six children, ages 5 to 15 (names not yet publicly released)
What Happened
The family was found dead on Friday, July 24, inside their home on Riverside Trail after firefighters responded to reports of smoke coming from the residence. Some of the victims were found with gunshot wounds.
On Monday, investigators announced they believe Kristopher shot and killed his wife and six children before starting several fires throughout the home. Amanda’s and the children’s deaths were ruled homicides, while Kristopher’s death was ruled a suicide.
Investigation Details
• Investigators believe the fire was intentionally set after the murders, with fires started on the first floor and in the basement, where most of the fire damage was found.
• The home had no history of police calls, and no signs of struggle have been found so far.
• There are no outstanding suspects.
• How the fires were started remains under investigation by Michigan State Police arson investigators.
Sheriff’s Statement
Ottawa County Sheriff’s Captain Jake Sparks addressed the community during a press conference, asking that people only reach out to the sheriff’s office if they have direct information related to the case, and to refrain from sharing opinions or speculation.
“This is far more than a news story,” Sparks said.”
Reddit posts
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“He was divorced and older than me … fast forward ten years and five kids, he was cheating with the intern again — the same age I was when I was the intern,”
“After about a year of self-loathing, I remember crying and looking at myself in the mirror and realizing how (expletive) it was that I was the one who was living so miserably because of what he did. I finally realized that I had been the only person who has ever showed up for myself my whole entire life.”
“I kept telling myself, ‘I love my kids more than I hate my husband right now.’ They have no idea — I faked it ’till we made it. We’re in a much better place 4.5 years out, but it’s still a fight to stay in a healthy place.”
“Literal weeks after D-Day my Dad (who I no longer have a relationship with) told me that he could tell my WH really loves me for putting up with me interrupting him while he was telling a story (to add a detail he had forgotten). My mother kept telling me I needed to treat my WH like the “treasure he is.” It was SO enraging. I have protected him bc we’re working things out. My WH finally told my step-dad about his EA (now years later) and explained that discovery lead to his now 5 years of sobriety. My mom and step dad really kiss my butt now! It’s really opened my eyes about who I will keep close and who I will keep at arms length (or not at all). I’m so sorry- it’s SO frustrating.”
“I totally understand. My WH had an A with a younger co-worker. He had to leave that job for R. He continued to advance in his career with two advancements at two different companies. I mean, we needed the money, but it just didn’t feel fair AT ALL. I know he had to watch me spiral into depression for a few years, but that wasn’t HIS punishment- he was watching mine, and I didn’t even do anything. To be honest, I couldn’t even start healing until I felt that I saw him recieve some negative karma. He ended up being let go from a company, was unemployed for six months, then got a new job that wasn’t that great, and was then laid off again nine months later. I watched his ego FINALLY break, and together we searched, manifested, and finally landed him the best career he’s ever had. I finally feel like he experienced consequences from his choices. The scales were somewhat balanced. And it also helped that we went through a trial that WASN’T his infidelity together. It helped to bond us again. I still struggle bc from a distance his AP doesn’t seem to have any consequences. So whenever I’m sad or thinking about it, I ask the universe to send her every bit of negativity tenfold that she brought into my life, and that when things go badly for her, she sees my face in her mind. I rest well at night knowing that karma is real. 🙏🏻”
“One year is nothing. My husband had an EA 4.5 years ago (I still suspect it was more physical than he’s ever admitted to), and I still have major triggers from time to time. Day to day we’re great, but when I get triggered, it’s shattering. We recently started marriage counseling, and our therapist had to make it clear to him that YEARS from now, DECADES from now, I will get triggered, because that’s how trauma works. An affair is inflicting trauma on your partner. Just know, even if things are “good” this is forever a part of your spouses psyche. Even when things are good, I think of my husband’s infidelity. Mostly just in passing now, but he was shocked to hear that it’s in my brain daily. It takes tremendous privilege to get to move on to the point that it isn’t something that’s forever marked in your brain.
For me, forgiveness is moving forward together, but that doesn’t erase it from my brain. So I guess you’ll have to be clear on what you see as forgiveness, and what your partner sees as forgiveness.
Also, trust is SO hard to rebuild. Every time there’s even an illusion of deception, I move back to square one and question everything he says or does. My WH struggles with honesty for self preservation/protection, and is working through it in IC, but, he really doesn’t understand how dishonesty in ANY AREA OF LIFE, makes me question his honesty in this area.
If you want to rebuild trust, I think you need to be 100% straightforward and honest in every regard, for the rest of your relationship, because at least in my experience, any trace of dishonesty will re-trigger the affair trauma.”
“Yes. I shoved him. I don’t feel bad still. He towers over me and destroyed me mentally. It felt like I was being assaulted and needed to fight back. I think it’s a fight or flight thing.”
“Nope. It’s also my WH’s birthday, so I told him I didn’t even want to acknowledge our anniversary and only celebrate his birthday going forward. For a few years after I just couldn’t. Now we’re at our 5th since DDay, and I finally can kindly acknowledge it, but a full blown “celebration” feels kind of like a fraud to me. It’s just more of a day of grief for me now, bc the marriage I always thought I had never actually existed. Which still makes me sad. But it is what it is.”
“If she wants to separate, she should 100% be the one to move out. That is WILD that she wants you to leave when SHE cheated and wants space. Please don’t leave your home- that’s going to make a divorce trickier for you if you make that choice.”
“More frustrated that it can still grip me than angry/mad. For instance, a year or so after DDay, I was crying expressing how weird and frustrating that this random girl across the country, who I should have no clue about her existence, is such a traumatic and permanent character in my story. He was frustrated and said that I was “letting her have that power in my life,” and that I should “not let her have that place in my life.” It was enraging. No, YOU should not have given her that place in my story. He doesn’t get “mad” per say, just more frustrated that it’s STILL sometime I carry despite his changes and growth”
“I have offered this reminder to other Waywards before, and feel it’s a super appropriate heads up for you as well: please know, this is etched in his brain permanently as trauma. He can heal, and become healthy again, as can you. Your marriage will never be “like before.” However, even decades later he can and most likely WILL become triggered by something, and you have to be willing to support him through those triggers decades from now. For instance, my grandfather cheated on my grandma when they were in their 30’s. Forty years later, she would still have an occasional trigger where she’d be angry and hurt and she’d have to move through it with his support. You have GOT to be willing to be there, and still hear about this pain, for the rest of your life. Not as frequently, but it will still occasionally come up. Safety after betrayal looks much different than safety before. For me, “safety” is the ability to trust that my WH will not get angry or defensive when I’m triggered, and will help to carry me through it. We’re almost five years out, and he’s trying, but still struggles with defensiveness. But in general, am I happy? Yes. I wouldn’t say I feel safety in my emotions, because he still struggles with receiving my triggers without defensiveness, and that’s slowing down my ability to regain feelings of safety.”
“First, I’m so sorry. I know what you mean about regaining trust, and then in an instant it feels completely shattered again- I swear, they will never fully understand the ramifications of their carelessness. I also feel you about wishing they’d bring it up. Recently in MC, my WH was absolutely shocked to hear that even while I’m moving on and doing better, a day hasn’t gone by since his EA 4.5 years that I haven’t thought of it. It makes me really angry to think that maybe they really DON’T think about it the way we do. Even their deepest sorrow isn’t anyway near the permanent changes made to our psyches when they cheat. He might not bring it up because he doesn’t even think about it until YOU bring it up. Which is so hurtful and unfair, isn’t it?
All that to say, your pain is valid. His reaction would make me feel the same way.
“I feel you. My WH literally cheated with a younger version of me, except way wilder than I ever was. When my H and I met, I was the intern at the company we both worked for. He was divorced and older than me… fast forward ten years and five kids, he was cheating with the intern again- the same age I was when I was the intern. I was five babies in, and was actually not in bad physical shape, but I was in the trenches of little kids, and just couldn’t be who I was before. He had gotten a bonus literally days after DDay, and I told him I was using it to pay off my credit card, to got Botox, Invisilign, hair extensions, and new clothes that made me feel pretty. I lost tons of weight during the aftermath. But guess what- I never felt better from those things. I still internally blamed myself for not being “enough” of what he wanted.
After about a year of self-loathing I remember crying and looking at myself in the mirror and realizing how fucked up it was that I was the one who was living so miserably because of what he did. I finally realized that I had been the only person who has ever showed up for myself my whole entire life. I didn’t deserve to treat myself the way I had been. I decided to re-wire my brain as best as I could. I literally filled up journal upon journal upon journal with nice things about myself (even if I didn’t believe them). I stopped dressing for him, and chose to dress for myself. I experimented with my natural curls, and wore less makeup. I really leaned into the spiritual experience of getting to know and appreciate myself. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes still feel insecure, and 4.5 years out from DDay, I still occasionally get triggers that suck me in, but my self esteem is now able to withstand those triggers. Instead of resorting to “I’m the worst, I hate myself,” I now find my internal dialogue being more “I don’t deserve this, why am I still living like this,” type talk.
The most ironic thing about it, is that now my WH finds my self-confidence to be super attractive- I mean, I think he finds it a little scary too, because he knows that I now know I deserve better than what he gave me in the past, and won’t tolerate any cheating in the future, which is a win-win I guess.
Please, please, please know that you deserve to treat yourself with the care you didn’t get from your partner. Please know that throughout it all you have always deserved to be respected, loved, valued and wanted. This is a him issue, NOT a you issue. Work on treating yourself with kindness, and becoming absolutely thrilled with who you are- because I can guarantee you that you are more of a woman than anyone who would choose to cheat with a married person. If you need to- get the Botox, take the Ozempic, buy new clothes, do your hair however you feel you need to be proud in your skin, but without the inner work, you still won’t feel how you want to feel. You’ve got this.”
“We have six kids. They are why I worked for R. I would not have stayed if we didn’t share them, or even if they were out of the house I probably wouldn’t have stayed. I kept telling myself: “I love my kids more than I hate my husband right now.” They have no idea- I faked it til we made it. We’re in a much better place 4.5 years out, but it’s still a fight to stay in a healthy place.”
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I did not tell my family any of my WH’s actions because I know they would never forgive him. He chose to tell his parents- they were so supportive of me and whatever I chose. They would forgive him bc they’re his family, and could move past it while holding him accountable for his choices. I felt like I was dealing with enough trying to manage my own feelings without trying to mitigate my family’s feelings and opinions.”
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Hi there, this may be a long one, so, I apologize in advance for the novel!
My WP and I have been in the process of R for the past 4.5 years. Essentially, he still claims to this day that it was only an EA and never a PA. I’ve never quite believed him, because the evidence make it all seem like it would be very unlikely that they were never physical. We have six kids, so the idea of leaving is insanely terrifying.
He has always had major red flags that I ignored due to my own trauma and anxious attachment. He was raised in a toxic family dynamic that encouraged lying about EVERYTHING (e.g.: “don’t tell your dad I bought that for you,” or “Don’t tell your mom you were here for this long or she might get mad”) which I always was vocal about how dumb it was. Once we had kids I refused that behavior in front of them bc I didn’t want them to learn it as well. I have always caught him in the dumbest lies, and prior to Dday actually never even approached them with him bc I always figured they were stupid, minor, and not worth it.
Once Dday arrived, I did a ton of work in IC, and realized I deserved the honesty and safety I desire. He only went to IC for a few months and bounced around to a couple struggling to find a counselor he liked. He eventually just stopped. Things did improve in our marriage. He got sober, and is much more present with our family. However, every so often (maybe twice a year or so), I will still find out something he was not completely honest about, or something he’s trying to hide from me.
What he struggles to understand, is that my first instinct whenever I catch him being dishonest is always to remember him claiming it was ever only an EA. Why would he lie about stupid stuff and NOT lie about that, which would actually cause a lot of damage? I try to explain this to him and it makes him so frustrated that he acts super angry. He’s a perfectionist, and often the slightest confrontation about how he’s caused me pain causes him to spiral and get so upset (with himself) that it feels so unproductive. After the most recent incident of catching him being sneaky, I insisted he go back to IC and we attempt MC for the first time. It’s all so confusing, because our day to day lives and dynamics are truly good, until every so often now when he pulls sneaky shit.
Yesterday we had our first MC appointment. I thought our counselor was decent. I was able to very clearly express my needs, not angrily, but clearly and firmly. I finished my statement with “You know?” turning to the counselor. Her reply as “I hear you, but do you hear her, WP?” He seemed fine in the moment. The rest of of the day is always emotionally drained after stuff like this, which feels pretty normal. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized he wasn’t asleep. He was having trouble sleeping and was SO angry and mad at himself because the counselor asked him if he heard me. It seems like SUCH a big reaction to that pretty normal question from a marriage counselor. He is SO sensitive to correction that I’m feeling so discouraged that we’ll ever be able to make progress.
As a related note, he IS currently working through his dishonesty and impulsivity with his IC. Does anyone have any experience successfully working through MC with a partner who’s so sensitive to feedback? Should I consider pausing the MC until he makes further progress in MC so he can better participate when he’s ready? I would love any advice if you’ve experienced anything similar. I’m so discouraged.”
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